Let Pleasure Be Primary

Some time after my beloved fiancé John died in March 2016, I had started resuming somewhat “normal activities” and was at my local UPS store picking up and shipping packages. 

During this time, I was astonished that the world kept turning after he diedI didn’t see then how my life could or would really go on

The UPS worker who had seen me through the seemingly endless days when John was so ill, was there as I turned in some packages to be shipped. 

She put her hand on mine and said with so much love in her eyes,
I know how sad you are, and I want to remind you that now you get to create an entirely new life!”
It shocked me that she said this.

And it stayed with me, because I didn’t want to create a new life- I wanted the one that I had with John back again! Didn’t she know that? Of course I appreciated that she cared, and I had a feeling that there was an important message for me in what she said.

Then I remembered one of the last things John said to me before he died, when I asked how I could possibly go on without him.

Susan, you get happy. Happier than you’ve ever been. And when love comes again, you go full speed ahead.”

And when I reflected again on that, I realized that he had meant love with a new person and, he had also meant LOVE IN GENERAL.

So I wrote something called “I’m Dating the World,” and so many of you responded, and said you lived, or wanted to live like that too.

That writing led me to my beloved David, and I did also get happier than I’d ever been, and sadder too. They both blended together into what I call Deeply Grieving and Wildly Living, which is the book I’m currently writing and teaching from.

One of my many intentions is to let pleasure be primary. This means doing and being more of what I love no matter what, as often as possible. How are you doing or creating pleasure? Is it primary in your life? Why or why not?

Here’s what I wrote that drew David in:
I’m Dating the World 

And the update to that is that we’re both dating the world now- we were each living that way separately, and now we live that way together.

Double the magic!

I know now that my focus on letting pleasure be primary was no diminishment to my love for and with John. It’s a tribute to the love we shared when he was physically present, and now continues into infinity.

I wish more pleasure for you in every way, and that your love for life bubbles up and spills over into every possible place.

Joyfully, pleasurably, delightfully,


p.s. I LOVE playing around on Instagram! You can find me there SARKifying life.

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  1. Kara

    Hi SARK! Thank you for the love you are sending out into the world! I feel it!

    You mentioned in your “Dating the World” post that getting sick is not a failure. And I think that is an important reminder right now. There is a lot of fear around getting sick these days—and it is understandable. I came down with the flu last year (only the second time in my 41 years of life) and it gave me some time to reflect. I believe it happened because I needed to slow down and take some time to focus on self-love and nurturing. I’m applying this same thought to the virus that is spreading right now. What if it is happening because WE ALL need to take some time to slow down and rest and nurture ourselves?!? I can’t help but think that this is the case. We must fight fear and know that in every frightening situation there is a silver lining—it is all about shifting our perspective. Thank you for your constant reminders of choosing love over fear! I wish we could have President SARK 2020!!! You are the nurturing voice the world needs. Thank you again! See you in Santa Fe! I’m all booked!

  2. christine Davila

    I lost My Mom on Nov 4,2019 .. I had not saw anything about you for sometime and when i looked at my Mail today There you were! I SO love your Books and you have always brought Joy in my life by being so positive.. I am looking forward to the new book about grieving as I am still in the process Thank you for the happiness Joy and color you add to the World.
    We sure need it God Bless


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