Valentine’s Day/Life, Getting Sick/Well Loving is the Whole Point (Again)

We are all a big beautifull Valentine to ourselves, and it’s helpfull to remember that self-love is the opposite of selfish.

I like to write about self-love around Valentine’s Day and remind and inspire us all to DRENCH ourselves consistently in love- especially if we don’t know how, or if we feel depleted.

We can learn and practice new ways of showing ourselves love.
It’s tempting to think you have to be part of a couple to fully participate in Valentine’s Day, or have a Valentine Life.You DON’T!

Loving ourselves fully means loving even when we don’t know how or even want to. Self-love is an art to be explored and practiced in every kind of condition.

Above is a joyfull photo of David & me happily on our way to the Caribbean. There were also less glamorous chances to practice loving myself later when I got sick after our vacation.

Our lives are full of every kind of condition and chance to practice. Each year of my early adult life- and I was often single- my mom would send me a Valentine’s Day card with a really crisp $20 bill tucked inside. She told me that she had specially requested that crisp bill at the bank, and I appreciated her thoughtfulness and attention to detail.

In that tiny, but significant way, she was teaching me a new way to love myself too- by paying attention to details and giving myself little gifts that mattered to me.

She also taught me to buy myself gorgeous flowers, rather than wait for someone else to do that. I began and continued living life as my own Valentine, and I highly recommend it!

Now that I’m in a romantic partnership again, I can feel the machinery of the expectation of the other trying to get started….. oh he “should” do this or that, or I should. Being part of a couple does not diminish my commitment to loving myself.

If we are each fully our own Valentine, there are literally no expectations, unless we put them onto ourselves, or allow others to do so.

I’m sending you expanded love abilities RIGHT NOW, no matter what you have or haven’t done, or who is in your life in addition to you- I’m sending you a WHOOSH of sparkling, extraordinary, and ordinary love.

Leave me a little love note. I’d love to read it! Let me know something you are loving about yourself right now, or want to be loving. I want to love myself even when I get sick- especially then- and not turn on myself, or my body, for having symptoms.

David & I have recently returned from a week’s vacation on an island in the Caribbean. It was our spiritual honeymoon #5, and it took place with his darling parents, at their second home there. We feasted and fested and enjoyed ourselves, each other and the gorgeous views of the ocean. We were also supported by one of my favorite things ever- they have a rule that anyone reading be left undisturbed by anyone talking in that general area!

e also played a 4 day marathon version of my all time favorite board game Transformation, which inspired us all, and brought us even closer together to each other.

The Transformation Game is a joyfull way to understand how to play the game of your life, and this is my enraptured recommendation of it- just because I love it so. Joy Drake & Kathy Tyler are the amazing creators and can be found here. You can say that SARK sent you if you want- just for fun.

When we returned home to San Francisco, I got horribly sick with a cold & cough and felt absolutely miserable in every way. Of course my resistance to being sick has caused the most suffering. I love this quote,

“The reason we haven’t found a cure for the common cold is that the common cold IS the cure.” 

Or my new favorite that I invented: 

My cough has turned productive, which pleases the high achiever part of me.”

Meanwhile, I couldn’t breathe without coughing- and all of my potions, remedies, homeopathy, acupuncture, reiki, energy medicine, tinctures, essential oils, tapping and REST, did not result in the symptoms going away as quickly as I wanted them to. I’m feeling much better now.

And since we are newly living together, I was faced with being at my absolute worst, in front of David for the first time. I also had to cancel a major work week and chose to surrender fully to his care, since he offered, and had the time and energy to do it.

This is/was not easy for me to do.
I have been much more comfortable being in charge and doing most things myself. Becoming interdependent with another is a challenge for an independent type, and allowing more love IN requires practice receiving.

You may know that I teach about receiving too, and this is something we will be focusing on in more depth in my online membership called the Succulent Wild World. It doesn’t mean that I’m great at it, or great at it all the time! It means that we can practice a lot more- together.

I have discovered during this illness, that David’s care is a great blend of neither hovering or ignoring me, and I have gratefully received his foot massages, baths being run, beautiFULL love messages put on my wall, neck massages, meal cooking, dishwashing, vegetable juicing, book reading out loud, movie watching, library book returning & picking up, and just generally being such a dear darling soul.

Daffodils and lilies have appeared, cards were written and I am (mostly) reveling in it all. Mostly is because I’d rather have no symptoms at all, and just feel good.

I’m also aware that over the long term, we’ll both be caring for each other- perhaps less comprehensively or at least differently, than this first time.

As we further become life partners, we will see each other in sickness and in health and in all of the marvelous messy middle places in between.

And OF COURSE there are areas of disarray, places where one excels and the other doesn’t. There are forgettings, leavings, refusals or misunderstandings that arise out of proportion- one or both get “triggered” and who forgot what again, and how to allow our differences to shine past the fog of idealizing. It’s all about micro truth telling, joyfull solution creating, and letting our Inner Wise Selves and God lead the way.

We are experiencing life day to day as perfect playmates on an eternal play date- the REAL version- with all of the feelings active in our emotional families, and by allowing ourselves to break down, fall apart, confess fears, and share our big tender hearts as fully as we can with each other, and with everyone.

For we are each committed to dating and loving the world- as part of our partnership and lovership- to living in a state of Loving As the Whole Point, and to being our own Valentine’s Day/Life people.

We invite you to join us- leave a little note so we know you’re on board.



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p.s. I play around on Instagram now too- you can find me there SARKifying life! You can join me here.

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  1. Kristin Wilson

    Hi Sark,

    I’m working on loving myself through my less-than-ideal coping methods I still employ. I’m learning that I don’t have to wait until I’m “all better” to love myself. In fact, my self love is teaching me to care for myself in ways that aren’t as harmful. I love your work and I send you lots of healing love today.

  2. Mary

    I’ve been wondering where you are and how things are going. I LOVE hearing from you. It brings so much hope……and joyful happiness!! Thank you so much for being YOU !!

    PS……glad you’re feeling better!!

  3. Mary

    Thank you, Sark, for always being brave enough to share your innermost emotions and desires. Like your mother, I always have sent that $20 bill , card and candy to my adult son and daughter. I remind them that self love is the basis from which all other kinds of love can spring. I laughed at how your “sickness scenario” played out in your head. I can relate!
    Wishing you and David a love filled day!?

  4. luzia

    great greetings from germany. since 20 years i am reading your books and now your love letters via mail. what a great joy. it always creates aloving face and body and smiling cells, when i receive something from you. so great that we can be with you both and your life. it makes me very proud. and wow. we germans are so shy and closed to open us so you do. i am deep touched that this is too a possible way of great being. i am learning to create a litte little copy………and your valentine thing to do it instead of waitung is so easy………thanks and love and kisses from luzia

  5. Barbara

    The Caribbean looks fabulous! I got myself a new fridge and stove for Valentine’s day and I couldn’t be happier – I love that I know just the perfect gift for me! Thank you for continuing to share your marvelous, messy middle life. Love to you and David on this Valentine’s Day!

  6. Bren

    Right this moment I am transporting myself on board one of those sailboats in your photo of the Caribbean Sea! Oh my stars – the colors!!!! The weight of the world just slipped away and I am floating in the sunshine of all that love! Thank you for sharing!
    Happy ❤️Day! Xo

  7. Marge

    Be blessed today and everyday and may you bathe in His Eternal Love.

  8. Violet Coburn

    I read your recent email.
    So good!
    I’ve always loved your sweet and whimsical work.
    I turn sixty this year, which turns out to be the BIG birthday in Chinese culture. I am not Chinese, but I am an Earth Pig. ?

    I have also. Even diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Your advice about testing is the most important thing I need to lean right now!!!
    Those dang symptoms.
    But instead of berating my body for being sick, or shaming myself because I am weak, I need to treat myself with kindness. It’s not all about how mean I can be to myself.

    Thanks for sharing your love messages.

  9. Regan

    Thank you, SARK. I am going to go get a mall foot massage because it is easy and I want easy today and I love it. You have always inspired me.

  10. Cdk

    O you are such beauties – and yes I am also loving myself as a being for the longest stretch ever… without being compelled to identify with any ‘doings’. I AM ON BOARD for supporting your lovefest of interdependence while being i a self-love bubble. YES please!! Your relationship, creativity, and individual awareness inspire me to keep my temple gates open to the Oneness of Love, yet the fluid moat of awareness around the temple make it only available to those divine leapers who also keep the flame of self-love alive. Thank you Sark and David and family for creating the imprint of juicy, REAL, RAW, messy, conscious LOVE. ❤?????????

  11. liggi

    Have been reading you for years, probably have all of your books. This new adventure is very different; coup[ing in residence is difficult anytime and someone who creatively mirrors you can be even more difficult. He, as I see it, is almost a male you. Not sure of the “why” of this new adventure but am sure that this one is going to take you to the deepest place yet…sort of soaring highs and awesome lows. You may have to design and build a new living structure, one that will really model a residence and lifestyle for creative couples. This is much needed. Happy exploring.

  12. Ty Zito

    I was missing you and your blogs about you and David. I decided to look you up. As always your serendipitous influences abound in my life. We will be celebrating our one year marriage anniversary next month. My husband had been ill and hospitalized and seriously ill a good number of times. He has lots of health issues so I expected to be a care giver. To my surprise I have been ill, in need of hospital e.r. visits and subsequent care, soon surgery. This is a role I am less comfortable with. It’s easier for me to be a care giver than getter! Your posts and others comments have inspired the acceptance, the need for asking for my needs (also hard for me), and affirmed the active self love and care I need now. Thank you SARK for initiating via your slways brave sharing and being the much needed conduit. Here’s to love, magical healing love from all sources for all of us! Amen.??


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